RAIN

RAIN

Everytime it rains, I'm reminded of you. The sky gray filled with unshed tears waiting to be released. The swollen clouds reminding me of my swollen tear ducts. Damp pillow case, wet tear stained face, lined with pain. Heartaches, beat slowly. Time going by fast. Stuck in time. Crying like the sky. The rain dropping hard and steady. Continuosly. Puddles forming holding memories in deep mud ridden puddles. Slowly evaporating leaving memory imprints behind. Cracked mud. Traces that something was left behind..or someone. A stain. Pain perhaps. The rain just ain't the same anymore. It rained the night your soul left. A hole in the place where my soul, heart, and thoughts used to be. Memories ever fading until the rain comes. Ever consuming, looming, trying to be happy and remember the goodtimes until it rains. It's raining now. Outside and inside too. I think I see a break in the clouds it must be you letting me know that the sun still has to show in order fot the light to be seen in the rain. I will use an umbrella now so I won't drown in the pain rain.
To my brother
Steven Lamont Garrett
June 28, 1962-April 1st 2002
I love you and we miss you.

Women's Empowerment Weekend

This weekend was a great weekend. Riding smoothly of course on the new wheels. Saturday we had the Annual Womens Empowerment weekend. If you are not familiar with it, it occurs in the last Saturday of march in Raleigh NC. They have guest speakers and national recording artist, vendors showcasing their talents and it is all for the empowerment of women. This year was my first time going. I have to be honest at first..I was not that excited. Even with Patti Labelle being the guest speaker...the recording artist were completely turing me off. By me being a music fan I felt like If Patti was gonna be the speaker...then I just knew that the Artists were going to be off tha chain. Well, Jeff Majors..don't get me wrong..I love his songs...you know with the **cough** harp and all**cough** but he just did not appeal to me more so than the R&B persuasion..until I heard at the last minute that TANK was going to be one of the artist performing. I know you heard me..yes TANK. I have to capitalize his name because it seems like he's not getting that much love lately. I did miss him while he was away. But let me go back a little. I enjoyed Patti...she made me cry..made me laugh..and boy let me tell you if you have never heard Pattil Labelle sang in person....it is a treat. I swear that woman...Lawd halmurcy...hmph. She sanged you hear me??!! She had the nerve to sang "The Lord's Prayer." Whew....amazing....just amazing that's all I can say. I was in awe of her voice. Where she came frome and how well she continued to live. I think that as I get older, I understand the importance of living after a loss. I lost my brother April 1st (I know...April Fool's Day) 2002 and I still grieve. That is the first loss that I have ever experience in close relation to myself. It was like a part of me died. Patti lost 4 sisters to cancer all in 40 year old range and then her mother. I was like "Wow, and she still sung?" It made me realize that even sometimes when we lose a loved one and our hearts are breaking....we can still raise our voices to sing. To let others know that we are still here and that we are still living. That's what I think about it all. I enjoyed her alot and learned somethings from her as well. As far as TANK. I would love to go to a concert where it is just him perfoming live. He give a great performance as well. He is a fine specimen of a Man I tell ya! Lyfe Jennings also performed..he came on after TANK. I think he should have came on before but that's just my opinion. Day 26--Diddy's puppets from Making The Band 4, Cherish ~Lean Wit It Rock Wit It--are we done yet?~, Georgia Mass Choir, Beverly Crawford, and Tiffany Evans (Diary of a Mad Black Woman) were all great perfomances. I must say I will be attending next year. We decided at the last minute to go and had the ~I think that's Patti Tickets~ so of course when we are on the 3rd floor and the row before the last row on the wall towards the ceiling you would think.."Ok, at least I'm here, and I made it....Let's get Empowered.." NO, that is not the case....The seats were so small and so tight...I did tell you that I am P.H.A.T. I felt all circulation from my legs cease...My sister and I looked at each other like wtf?? Those seats were unbearable. In the mist of this pain in my hips I begin to wonder if they intentionally made those seats that way so that you will remember and buy the next level tickets. We moved down to the 2nd level while shopping with the vendors. WE are a talented group of people. I met Vickie Stringer, yes Triple Crown Publications...I also purchased a book from her and received her autograph. She asked me if I was a writer and I said yes. She asked me to go on open mike and recite...my mind went completely blank ya'll. OMG!!! I was so embarassed. She said "That's okay." I told her "I'm not ready for that yet.." But I am...I am so ready. But anyhoo I will have my chance again soon. By the way...the seats on the 2nd floor were so much more comfortable...it was amazing to know what more money will get you. LOL Have a Happy Monday!

New Wheels

Ok ya'll, I am so excited. Glad it is Friday. T.GI.F. and also I just wanted to let my peeps know...I'm so excited. WE got us a new ride! Yes thank ya Jesus! We weren't expectin to get it we just showed up (and God/Jesus/Yaweh/Alla--and all of them) showed out. We traded in our Saturn...it was startin to have some issues and got a 2004 Ford Explorer. Ok to some of ya'll that ain't nuthin, but when you have been wanting one FOREVER. I mean every since they came out way back in '71, I have been-hate to say it-lusting after this vehicle...and maybe 2 otha's but this has always been on the list. Can ya'll say leather interior?? LOL We drove off the lot like we were in a 2010 Mercedes. You woulda thought we won the lotto. (Hopefully we will this weekend.) But it feels good when ya feel like you movin on up-cue the song- Have you driven a Ford Lately! If any of you have a Ford Explorer..let me know whacha think..

Crusin---Smokey,

Phatgurllove

HUMP DAY

I am so glad today is Wednesday, I don't know what in the world to do. It's almost over everyone hang on. I love working at this C.S.S. but it ain't all a girl thinks about. I did go to college and get a degree. I have always wanted to own my own daycare though. This journalist...(yeah you could say that) has wanted to have a daycare every since I studied abroad in France. Shot out to all my Frenchies on here. I stayed in Montpelier. Look it up. Beautiful, right on the Mediterranean. Ooo I wish I was there now. Fresh Baguettes..not the supermarket kind either...hmph good stuff. But anyhoo..I don't have any kids off my own. I would like some one day. But back to Wednesday. 2 more days until the weekend baby. What do ya'll think of Hilla-bomber and her lies and her going back tryna dish dirt on Baracka-baby?? She lied....all day long she lied. She misspoke..? What kind of ish is that? I wish I could lie about something and say I misspoke and kept it movin'. It shouldn't work like that. What do ya'll think..they shoulda kicked her to the curb or what? Let me know. Happy Hump Day ya'll!

22/24

22/24
Does this look familiar? 22/24? If not then this may not be for you. These two sizes have been following me forever it seems like. I have been up and down b/t these two mf'ers for the last, I wanna say 10 years. I have tried everything from Slim Fast, Hydroxycut, Shape rite, The Bohemian Diet, Herbal Tea, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Walking, Eating Right. I have lost b/t 20-25 pounds about 2,000 times just to gain it all back. Chips are my weakness. Chips and chocolate. Why lawd? My momma says I get it from my dad's side. I don't care who I get it from..who in the hell can I give it too and who wants it? I'm not saying that I don't love me. I do. I really do but just carrying this around for all these year ain't gone (ebonically speaking) cut it. I have lost 13 pds on this new journey I'm on to make a permanent lifestyle change. You know during all these years, including my childhood I've had weight issues. I have so many stories to share with you while I try to figure out how to let some of this stuff go. But n-e-way, I know all of us have weight issues whether it is trying to gain weight, lose weight, or even maintain our current weight. What is the most craziest thing you have done to lose weight?

STAY

Stay

why should i stay?
when i wanna go.
you act like you don't love me anymore.
do unto others ain't that the golden rule?
do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
you don't listen to me.
do you even hear?
you act like you are blind, when i shed a tear.
i realize you don't want what i want.
opposites attract, it aint true.
i thought you wanted to be with me.
and i wanted to be with you.
i don't understand how you could fool me so easily.
telling me lies i surely believed.
like "yes i want a family, a girl for you and a boy for me"
that was just MY fantasy.
i promised i would give you my all.
even though we started small.
we both worked hard because we wanted more.
is it that you were unsure?
you held my past against me.
while i tried to forget.
haven't i said "i'm sorry" enough yet?
i'm starting to have regrets.
when i said "i do".
it meant i was ready for commitment
thirty five hundred dollars was well spent.
on something borrowed and something blue.
i thought i was doing the right thing.
together forever.
for better for worse no matter the weather.
i'm done playing house and letting you have your way.
i am leaving .
i cannot stay.
i cannot allow you to treat me this way.
i deserve the best and that is true.
i thought i was getting it .
when i married you.
but you lied and i cried it's over now.
it's the end of the play.
take your bow.
i am walking out the door.
not sure of what the future holds.
but i know that i cannot stay here.
anymore.

copyright 2008/pdg

T.G.I.F

Hello again everyone, its me phatgurl and I am glad it's Friday. I swear today couldn't come fast enough. Just hurry up...I know it was 4:30pm for 2 hrs. I felt like I was back in HS (High school) waiting for the bell to ring. Today was a day from the bowels of you know where. First of all, let me tell you. I have a BS Degree in Organizational Management and I minored in French. (Yes this is an American Raised French Cocoa...) Ask me why I have worked in customer service (yes..inbound and outbound and calling people during their dinner) for the last 11 years??? Every time I try to get away from it...it finds me. I really went to college to study journalism. I wanted to be on TV giving you "Breaking News" from anywhere. It never materialized. That's a whole other post in itself. I have always loved to write and do so as often as I can. I just started blogging within the last 2 years. A little here and a little there. I was unsure at first about putting myself out there on the www but I got tired of wondering "What If..." I have started so many books, it's not even funny. I have so many Chap 1's and even some 2's laying around here. I have decided to try to buckle down and start trying to combine some of these ideas into a NY Times Bestseller. That's a dream of mine as well. I also write poetry and I have written a song or two. But back to the story of the day. Why at 3:55pm, the company decides to make it mandatory for those individuals that work from 8am-5pm with a one hour lunch to come in 30 Min's later and either have a 1/2 lunch to leave at 5p or have your regular 1hr lunch and leave at 5:30p. I know you are probably wondering. Why in the world are you complaining..you get to sleep in a few extra minutes....blah blah blah....? The reason why I am so p.o. ed is because it's not as simple as you think. First daylight savings time starts on Saturday and time goes back an 1hr (I love it...after I adjust.) But the reason for the time change is because it will not be as busy because of the time change and they want everyone that normally works at 8a to come in 30 Min's later and either work 30 Min's later or eat 30 Min's faster. With that being said..they are making this mandatory for the next 3 weeks! They say that they are trying to wait for all of the other countries to go through the same process of time changing for 1hr. Okay, let me explain something to everyone....Customer Service is open 24 hours a day 7 days per week. Mind you I just started my 8am-5pm schedule about 2 weeks ago. I am a former Sunday through Thursday employee that worked from 8:30a-5:30p. My response to all of this is why should we have to change our schedule if we are open 24hrs per day??? Does this make any sense to anyone at all? The customer is going to call no matter what if there is an issue with their devices or to speak to an engineer. This is what makes me dislike corporate America. The pop the whip and we get to shuck and jive our way up the ladder, brown nosing (for those that do it) and all. Speak for yourself...I am tired of working for someone. I consider myself to be driven and goal-oriented...and I have never had the opportunity to be in a head leadership position. I know that I can do it. I just blame it on me being over qualified for the position anyway. Is there anyone that knows for a fact that you can do your bosses job without blinking? If so let me know and tell me why. Again, I'm glad it's Friday. Everyone enjoy your weekend!

Introduction

Hello everyone. This is Phat Gurl here. Just wanting to introduce myself. I am a 31 year old married woman working hard to make a living. I work for a large company in RTP,NC. I am a cocoa sistah(Per cocoa for your cubicle.) I have been working here for almost a year now so I can definitely relate to some of her blogs about the workplace. A little more about me. I am overweight. There I said it. I know that most of us are but very few of us admit it. I have been working on this weight thing all of my life. I have been up and down like a roller coaster. I am down 13 pounds now. I think that's good. Especially since I have been doing it on my own. No magic pill, No magic powder, no shakes and no surgery. LOL I have been exercising and eating right. I am working towards making a lifestyle change. My husband has been on board for the most part. He can be a little devil sometimes...eating things that he knows I love in my face. But I am fighting it with willpower. So what is the most craziest thing you have done to loose a few unwanted pounds?