Thursday, July 24, 2008

Cnn Black in America

If you did not watch it, PLEASE DO! It is very important that WE look and see what this has to say about being black in America. It was very intriguing. I was dumbfounded by what was said and what I heard. Part 2 Black Men in America Airs tonight on CNN @ 9 est. Please check it out. I am posting the trailer as well.

Ok, that was my PSA of the day. Now as far as me and Phathubby...things are not better and in my opinion they are getting worse. Maybe it's just me. I dunno. I'm tired of trying to figure it out. Where are all of my married people? Please give me some advice...anything.... As far as Phatbaby...he is just that Phat...LOL. He now weighs 10lbs 15oz and he turned 2mths old on the 20th of this mth. That went by fast. He is such a good baby! I have now been employed for 1yr the same place. ~Standing ovation pls~ Thank you! Now that is history in the making. Its sad to say that I have been here for a year. I'm looking for longevity...just not in the customer service field. For Godsake I have a degree, a BS in Management. I need something or someone to Manage for more money! ~sigh~ Can a sister get a career and not a job? Dang....Well, I guess that's enough for now. Sorry been so slow to post....once I can stop arguing with phathubby and bouncing phatbaby....I try to get in where I fit in and that's at work...LOL. I mean I do want longevity but it has to have its perks right? Or you just create your own perks. LOL Take care!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Thinking things through

Hey ya'll, I know that's it's been a while, I just needed to talk. Don't get me wrong. I love my husband but it hurts to know that things can always go the way we want them too. I have been contemplating some mean vindictive shit over the last few weeks...but what will that accomplish. Nothing...what will that solve? will that make me feel?....Temporarily relieved.....but still hurting. I think that I have allowed myself to believe that things will get better and I am praying so hard....I don't wanna leave him. Sometimes I hear other women say...."Sometimes in order to prove a point, you hafta leave." But again for what? People complain all of the time about their spouses and yet they still stay together but the swear up and down that if it were them how they would be out in the street doing whatever with whoever. I don't have time for that. I married my husband for better or for worse. Its just not a happy time right now for either one of us. I just wish my husband can see himself the way I do. He knows that I find him hella sexy and he tells me that he sees me the same way. I expect so much out of him than he is willing to give. I feel like I have made sacrifice after sacrifice to make it work and he just says "Well ya married me and this is how I was before you met me so now what just deal with it." It's not about how you were but it's now about is this how YOU want to be. We can all be better than what we used to be. Right!? I just want things to work out. I know problems can't resolve themselves and we must face them head on and with our eyes open. I just wish we could look through each others eyes maybe walk in each other's shoes so that we can see what's really going on. I am going to try and talk it out. But how much talking and compromising can you do in a marriage without becoming bitter or resentful? We now have another person to consider and we both love him soooooo much. I hope we can talk it out like two mature adults and see where things go from there.

Marital Woes

Lemme just start off by saying, I am tired of being sick and tired. Ya digg? I just can't continue to put myself at the bottom anymore. The more I give, the more he takes. We have been married for a year and 7mths. We were in a relationship for 10 years before we got married. Why didn't I listen to myself and to phatmom? Why , why, why??? I need to get out now! I just can't take it anymore. Even after a new baby, yes...I need for ya'll to understand that just because you have a baby doesn't been you should sacrifice your sanity. I just don't know what else to do. Why do I always have to bend or be the one to say ok let's talk or try to work it out? Its only so much working out and working on you can do. I am so afraid of what people might say and what his family may say about me. I shouldn't stay where I'm not happy. Pray for me ya'll.