Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Thinking things through

Hey ya'll, I know that's it's been a while, I just needed to talk. Don't get me wrong. I love my husband but it hurts to know that things can always go the way we want them too. I have been contemplating some mean vindictive shit over the last few weeks...but what will that accomplish. Nothing...what will that solve? will that make me feel?....Temporarily relieved.....but still hurting. I think that I have allowed myself to believe that things will get better and I am praying so hard....I don't wanna leave him. Sometimes I hear other women say...."Sometimes in order to prove a point, you hafta leave." But again for what? People complain all of the time about their spouses and yet they still stay together but the swear up and down that if it were them how they would be out in the street doing whatever with whoever. I don't have time for that. I married my husband for better or for worse. Its just not a happy time right now for either one of us. I just wish my husband can see himself the way I do. He knows that I find him hella sexy and he tells me that he sees me the same way. I expect so much out of him than he is willing to give. I feel like I have made sacrifice after sacrifice to make it work and he just says "Well ya married me and this is how I was before you met me so now what just deal with it." It's not about how you were but it's now about is this how YOU want to be. We can all be better than what we used to be. Right!? I just want things to work out. I know problems can't resolve themselves and we must face them head on and with our eyes open. I just wish we could look through each others eyes maybe walk in each other's shoes so that we can see what's really going on. I am going to try and talk it out. But how much talking and compromising can you do in a marriage without becoming bitter or resentful? We now have another person to consider and we both love him soooooo much. I hope we can talk it out like two mature adults and see where things go from there.